![]() Now for the hard part: You’re going to need to talk with your boyfriend if you want his behavior to change. It doesn’t matter if you’re the only woman in all of history who doesn’t want to be called sexy-you don’t want to be called sexy (although I’m certain you aren’t). Your squicks are your squicks, even if they’re someone else’s squees. I don’t think you’re being vain or overly sensitive to semantics. Do I just learn to live with it? Say something? What would I say? “Please compliment me more but only use these specific words” feels both vain and nitpick-y. I know it’s shallow, but it would mean a lot to me to hear that from him more often, although getting rid of “sexy” is probably more of a priority. On the flip side, apart from this he doesn’t often compliment my appearance-I could probably count the number of times he’s called me “cute,” “pretty,” or “beautiful” on one hand. ![]() I don’t know how to respond and usually just ignore it or mumble “thanks” and try to get back into the mood. My (wonderful) boyfriend of four years will occasionally use it during sex, and it totally throws me off every time. I might be the first woman in recorded history to say this, but I hate being called ‘“sexy.” It’s about 10 percent because it’s not a word I’d ever think of using to describe myself, thanks to some old, now mostly well-controlled body image issues, but 90 percent because I just have a squick about that word! I don’t like the way it sounds or even the way it looks written on the page. I went stiff, and stopped it immediately, and never saw him again. I’ve sometimes relented against my better judgment because I’m overcome by desire and I don’t love the feel of condoms either. One guy suggested we just do hand stuff instead, but then once I was really lost in the moment, he slipped his penis in without a word. The good eggs have accepted stopping for the moment, or engaged in petting or oral instead. But too often my partner has agreed not to enter me unwrapped, but will then rub his penis against me in a way that feels great and is essentially like knocking at the door begging to be let in. No one has ever slipped his penis back in pretending it’s still wrapped. I’m well-aware those activities are not risk-free, but that’s my comfort zone. My partners are generally on board with wrapping it up at the beginning of the act, but sometimes they’ll take the condom off midway through because it diminishes their sensitivity. I insist on condoms for penetrative sex unless a relationship becomes exclusive, but I’ll engage in oral and light non-penetrative genital-to-genital contact without them. ![]() I’m a straight woman who has a reoccurring problem with new sex partners. My Boyfriend Finally Found Us a “Unicorn.” But Something’s Not Right. I’m Not Sure What Will Happen if I’m Discovered. I’ve Developed a Secret Habit in the Middle of the Night. ![]()
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